Johanny Ortega<p><strong>Do Men Truly Love Women or Just Tolerate Them?</strong></p><p>I’ve been thinking about this a lot: Do men actually love women, or do they just tolerate us to get what they want? Because when I look at how they move, how they protect, uplift, and sacrifice for each other, it makes me wonder—who do they really love?</p><p>Being in a male-dominated field has put me in a front-row seat to witness this brotherhood, this unspoken loyalty, this deep, unwavering connection that they extend to one another. And it’s moving. It’s powerful. But when it comes to women? That same level of love, that same energy, that same we’ve got each other’s backs no matter what—it’s not there. At least, not with the same fervor.</p><p>Men talk about women as if we are a problem to be solved, an inconvenience they have to deal with, an external force that disrupts the “good thing” they had going before we showed up. I’ve heard it all:</p><ul><li>Women ruined the Army.</li><li>We had to change the standards because of women.</li><li>Women don’t belong in combat roles.</li><li>We had something good until women showed up.</li></ul><p>Even with something as horrifying as Vanessa Guillén’s murder, the conversations weren’t about fixing the system that allowed it to happen. It was about making sure men weren’t unfairly accused, about not “ruining someone’s career” over a “misunderstanding.” That’s the brotherhood at work—protecting itself at all costs, even when the cost is us.</p><p>Women, when we have woman-to-woman friendships, it is something that transcends romance, family bond, and even friendship itself. We become one with that person in a way that can destroy us when it ends. I know—I’ve gone through it. And I’m sure this is the same thing I am witnessing with male friendships. But for women, bonds of that magnitude can be rare. Not because we don’t have the capacity for them, but because society has never encouraged us to cultivate them. Instead, we are pitted against each other—competing for men’s attention, men’s validation, men’s approval, for space in male dominated places. We are made to believe there is only so much space for women in any given room, so much success to go around, so much value assigned to us, and when you internalize that? It’s hard to build something as unshakable as the brotherhood men so easily form.</p><p>So that leaves me with a question I hate to ask, but can’t ignore: Do men just hate women?</p><p>Not in the loud, obvious way. Not in the way that says it out loud, in those exact words. But in the way they move. In the way they show up for each other but not for us. In the way they excuse each other’s worst behavior while policing ours.</p><p>And here’s where it gets uncomfortable: It’s not so much that men are <strong>platonically gay</strong>, though it would be an interesting way to frame it. It’s that their deepest, most meaningful, most unconditional love is reserved for other men. They see each other as equals. They see each other as their real allies, their real partners in life. Women? We are useful, we are desirable, we are there. But we are not them.</p><p>And if love is about belonging, then maybe to them we were never meant to belong in the first place.</p><p>But here’s what I’ve come to realize: while there’s a good chance that the same kind of loyalty and platonic love that men share with one another will never be the norm between men and women, we don’t have to waste our energy trying to force it. Instead, for our own sanity and self-preservation, we should unlearn what society has taught us and choose to build something stronger—with each other. We need to grow those relationships with other women, nurture unshakable bonds, and create communities where we lift one another up rather than compete for scraps of male approval. Because in a world that so often tries to isolate us, <em>this</em>—this sisterhood, this solidarity—is what we need. Not just to survive, but to <em>thrive.</em></p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/breaking-the-patriarchy/" target="_blank">#breakingThePatriarchy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/brotherhood/" target="_blank">#brotherhood</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/do-men-love-women/" target="_blank">#doMenLoveWomen</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/equality-matters/" target="_blank">#equalityMatters</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/feminism/" target="_blank">#Feminism</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/feminist-thoughts/" target="_blank">#feministThoughts</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/gender-dynamics/" target="_blank">#GenderDynamics</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/male-bonding/" target="_blank">#maleBonding</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/misogyny/" target="_blank">#misogyny</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/patriarchy/" target="_blank">#patriarchy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/sisterhood/" target="_blank">#sisterhood</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/sisterhood-over-competition/" target="_blank">#sisterhoodOverCompetition_</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/society-and-gender/" target="_blank">#societyAndGender</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/toxic-masculinity/" target="_blank">#toxicMasculinity</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/women-empowerment/" target="_blank">#womenEmpowerment</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/women-in-male-dominated-spaces/" target="_blank">#womenInMaleDominatedSpaces</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://haveacupofjohanny.com/tag/women-supporting-women/" target="_blank">#womenSupportingWomen</a></p>