zirkus

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The OnionShelly Greenfield and Patrick ChesterBride and groom exchanged vows before friends and family Saturday in a ceremony that delicately danced around the fact that Patrick was Shelly’s track and field coach in high school. The post Shelly Greenfield and Patrick Chester appeared first on The Onion. <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/shelly-greenfield-and-patrick-chester/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/shelly-greenfield-and-patrick-chester/</a>

The OnionMasters Crowd Whispering Its Lungs OutThe post Masters Crowd Whispering Its Lungs Out appeared first on The Onion. <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/masters-crowd-whispering-its-lungs-out/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/masters-crowd-whispering-its-lungs-out/</a>

The OnionTourist Asks Passerby To Take Boudoir Photo Of HimBERLIN—Hoping to secure at least one nice picture as a memento of his trip abroad, an American tourist visiting Germany reportedly asked a passerby Monday to take a boudoir photo of him. “Excuse me, would you mind getting a shot of me with my hand behind my head like a pinup girl?” Topeka, KS native […] The post Tourist Asks Passerby To Take Boudoir Photo Of Him… <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/tourist-asks-passerby-to-take-boudoir-photo-of-him/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/tourist-asks-passerby-to-take-boudoir-photo-of-him/</a>

The OnionThe Doctors Telling Us Not To Drink Our Urine Probably Just Want It For ThemselvesLet me start by saying I’ve got nothing against doctors in general. My niece is a doctor. Most of them are warm, professional, and highly educated people. But lately I’ve noticed a very troubling trend: Almost every doctor I see goes out of their way to tell me not to drink my own urine. This […] Th… <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/the-doctors-telling-us-not-to-drink-our-urine-probably-just-want-it-for-themselves/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/the-doctors-telling-us-not-to-drink-our-urine-probably-just-want-it-for-themselves/</a>

The OnionWhat To Know About The TikTok SaleWith a sale deadline looming, tech company ByteDance was once more given additional time to offload TikTok to a non-Chinese buyer or face a ban in the United States. Here’s all you need to know about the sale. Q: Who are the leading bidders to acquire TikTok? A: Major companies including Amazon, Oracle, and a […] The post What To Know About The TikTok Sale appeared first on The Onion. <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-the-tiktok-sale/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-the-tiktok-sale/</a>

Mark Taylor<a class="hashtag" href="https://bsky.app/search?q=%23USPol" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#USPol</a> <a class="hashtag" href="https://bsky.app/search?q=%23TheOnion" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#TheOnion</a> RE: <a href="https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:x4qyokjtdzgl7gmqhsw4ajqj/post/3lm6nn6aesc2b" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:x4qyokjtdzgl7gmqhsw4ajqj/post/3lm6nn6aesc2b</a>

ZeroCoolChinese-Produced “Made in USA” Stickers Now 34% More Expensive <a href="https://lemmy.ca/post/41819161" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://lemmy.ca/post/41819161</a>

MATAK79<a href="https://stranger.social/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://stranger.social/tags/funny" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#funny</a><a href="https://theonion.com/pete-hegseth-calls-for-steep-cuts-to-number-of-steps-in-aa-recovery/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/pete-hegseth-calls-for-steep-cuts-to-number-of-steps-in-aa-recovery/</a>

cobaltHa ha, just got the confirmation email for my subscription and the opening of the letter is worth it: " Welcome To The Onionati.Your Onion membership allows you to peel back the curtain and access stories that you always suspected to be true, but never had the proof. Now you do.For example: Does the 1% rule the world? Yes. Can you do anything about it? No. Will recycling help? Also no.Warning: the truths you will learn can make you seem unbalanced to the non-members but their opinions will no longer matter to you.Welcome to the Onionati." <a href="https://beige.party/tags/TheOnion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#TheOnion</a> <a href="https://beige.party/tags/Onionati" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#Onionati</a>

cobaltA certificate to frame! I just got the annual subscription to the Onion in print, mailed monthly. For this afternoon (don't know how long the sale lasts) Go to <a href="https://beige.party/tags/TheOnion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#TheOnion</a> Membership.theonion.com

The OnionTrump Tariffs Upend Global Economic OrderEconomists warn that, if left in place, Trump’s sweeping tariffs on U.S. trade partners will wreak havoc on households, businesses, and financial markets across the world, upending a global economic order that America benefited from and helped create. What do you think? The post Trump Tariffs Upend Global Economic Order appeared first on The Onion. <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/trump-tariffs-upend-global-economic-order/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/trump-tariffs-upend-global-economic-order/</a>

The OnionParents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven NowHUNTSVILLE, AL—In an effort to comfort the child by telling her the funds had gone to a far better place, local parents Blake and Allison McKee gently explained to their daughter Friday that their money was in heaven now, sources confirmed. “Honey, the reason we’re sitting you down today is because even though our life […] The post Parent… <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/parents-gently-explain-to-child-that-their-money-in-heaven-now/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/parents-gently-explain-to-child-that-their-money-in-heaven-now/</a>

The OnionMegan Fox Confirms She And New Baby Will Co-Parent Machine Gun KellyLOS ANGELES—Expressing relief that they were both on the same page about custody, Megan Fox confirmed Friday that she and her new baby would be working together to co-parent Machine Gun Kelly. “The coming months are going to be exhausting, but knowing that I have this newborn by my side to help set a good […] The post Megan Fo… <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/megan-fox-confirms-she-and-new-baby-will-co-parent-machine-gun-kelly/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/megan-fox-confirms-she-and-new-baby-will-co-parent-machine-gun-kelly/</a>

(((Cindy Weinstein)))The Onion: “'While my trade policy might cause some temporary hardships for investors, it’s ultimately intended to completely fucking destroy the livelihoods of the financially destitute,' said Trump, urging calm by insisting that big banks, hedge funds, and other major players should take a longer-term view to understand that his tariffs were necessary to increase widespread suffering among the impoverished."<a href="https://theonion.com/trump-assures-wall-street-hell-go-back-to-just-fucking-over-poor-people-soon/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no">https://theonion.com/trump-assures-wall-street-hell-go-back-to-just-fucking-over-poor-people-soon/</a><a href="https://zirk.us/tags/USPol" class="mention hashtag" rel="tag">#USPol</a> <a href="https://zirk.us/tags/Tariffs" class="mention hashtag" rel="tag">#Tariffs</a> <a href="https://zirk.us/tags/TheOnion" class="mention hashtag" rel="tag">#TheOnion</a>

The OnionClimate Protestors Throw Paint On The Louvre’s 1988 Copy Of ‘Hustler’ MagazineThe post Climate Protestors Throw Paint On The Louvre’s 1988 Copy Of ‘Hustler’ Magazine appeared first on The Onion. <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/climate-protestors-throw-paint-on-the-louvres-1988-copy-of-hustler-magazine/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/climate-protestors-throw-paint-on-the-louvres-1988-copy-of-hustler-magazine/</a>

The OnionBabysitter Finds Real-Life ‘Monster’ Under Child’s BedWhile trying to reassure a child she was caring for, a local Kansas babysitter was shocked to come face-to-face with a man when she aimed to show the kid there were no monsters under the bed. What do you think? The post Babysitter Finds Real-Life ‘Monster’ Under Child’s Bed appeared first on The Onion. <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/babysitter-finds-real-life-monster-under-childs-bed/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/babysitter-finds-real-life-monster-under-childs-bed/</a>

The OnionAaron Rodgers Fuming That NFL Hasn’t Added Expansion Team To Sign HimMONTCLAIR, NJ—Declaring that this was no way to treat a Super Bowl winner and four-time league MVP, quarterback Aaron Rodgers told reporters Friday that he was furious the NFL hadn’t added an expansion team to sign him. “After everything I’ve done for this sport, the least they could do is create an entirely new franchise […]… <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/aaron-rodgers-fuming-that-nfl-hasnt-added-expansion-team-to-sign-him/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/aaron-rodgers-fuming-that-nfl-hasnt-added-expansion-team-to-sign-him/</a>

The OnionMusk Announces All 340 Million Americans Must Strip And Take Turn Pushing The Wheel Of PainWASHINGTON—In a controversial move that has outraged those critical of President Trump’s agenda, Elon Musk announced Friday that all 340 million Americans must strip and take a turn pushing the Wheel of Pain. “Pulling off your garments and crawling into the pit in order to lash you… <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/musk-announces-all-340-million-americans-must-strip-and-take-turn-pushing-the-wheel-of-pain/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/musk-announces-all-340-million-americans-must-strip-and-take-turn-pushing-the-wheel-of-pain/</a>

The OnionThe Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Chuck SchumerSenate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) has published a new book, Antisemitism In America. The Onion sat down with the politician to discuss his greatest achievements, Trump’s second term, and the future of the Democratic party. The Onion: Why did you allow the spending bill to pass? Chuck Schumer: I finally got a 7 p.m. […] The post The Onion’s Exclusive Int… <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-chuck-schumer/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-chuck-schumer/</a>

The OnionHeaven Enacts Retaliatory Tariffs On U.S.-Bound MiraclesThe post Heaven Enacts Retaliatory Tariffs On U.S.-Bound Miracles appeared first on The Onion. <a href="https://bots.defencegeeks.net/tags/theonion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#theonion</a> <a href="https://theonion.com/heaven-enacts-retaliatory-tariffs-on-u-s-bound-miracles/" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" translate="no" target="_blank">https://theonion.com/heaven-enacts-retaliatory-tariffs-on-u-s-bound-miracles/</a>

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